Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto – Dr. Brene Brown is an expert in human relationships and has written two best-selling books on the subject.
Dr. has Brown has two children, and her work often touches her personal life. In the previous book
Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto
Oprah asked her to read it out loud on the show. Oprah says, “Every home should have a manifesto, if you don’t have one, your home is in confusion and chaos.”
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The touching manifesto begins: “Above all, I want you to know that you are loved and cherished. You will know it by my words and actions. There are lessons of love in the way I treat you and how I treat myself. I want you to communicate with the world from a place of dignity. You will know that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me show compassion and accept my own imperfections.”
In a beautiful piece, Brown and her family try to focus on compassion and maintaining healthy relationships with each other. It has a name
And focuses on acceptance and love. Brown talks about how important it is to always love yourself.
Brown ends the manifesto with the words: “I will not teach you, I will not love you, and I will not show you anything perfect, but I will let you see yourself. And I will always be a saint from the gift of seeing you, indeed, seeing you deeply.”
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As Brown finishes reading, Oprah visibly moves and wipes away tears before saying, “I would like everyone to live by these words. This is how you change the world.”
Writing about the manifesto in the Huffington Post, Brown said, “Our need for certainty in something as uncertain as parenting makes clear parenting strategies both tempting and dangerous. I say “dangerous” because confidence often breeds absolutes, intolerance, and judgment. That’s why parents are so critical of each other — we stick to a method or an approach, and very quickly our way becomes the way. When we’re as fixated on parenting choices as most of us are, and then see someone make a different choice, we often see that difference as a direct criticism of how we parent.”
Get a copy of Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown (which includes the manifesto) via the links below:
Dr. Brene Brown is a leading researcher on human connection. Her work focuses on vulnerability, shame, courage and dignity. You can learn more about her work by watching her Ted Talk here. If you want to learn more about shaming, check out 10 Reasons Why We Need to Stop Public Shaming of Children.
Referrals & Resources — Mending Hearts Family Counseling Center, Inc
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Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things pregnancy, birth and motherhood (except sleep deprivation). She is a supporter of home births, passionate about caring for children, and also very tired. Raising children is hard work. Without a doubt, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done and it continues to teach me new challenges and adventures. We tell ourselves we can do more and be better, as we grow thin and look everywhere for guidance and inspiration. They say there is no parenting guide…indeed, there are too many parenting guides out there, it’s hard to know what’s good and what’s bad!
Brene Brown at Daring Greatly shares her Heartfelt Parenting Manifesto, and it’s pure gold! If you haven’t shed a tear and been overwhelmed with emotion while reading this, you haven’t really read. Try again.
I read it to my family recently, especially my boys, and I tried to get them to hear it and feel it when I said it. I am happy to put it on the fridge for them to refer to whenever they feel the need.
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We regularly tell our children that we love them and expect them to know it. We believe they must know what we think, but we don’t know what they think! I try to not only tell my kids that I love and adore them, but also that I think they are super cool, brave, funny, smart, and weird. Words of affirmation are important to my boys (love the 5 love languages!) so I am very aware of our dialogue and check them regularly if they get stuck in their head. Hell, I get stuck in my head all the time, we all do! I find that my boys learn much more from me when I am a healthy role model than when I tell them what to do.
Before they go to bed, I also hug them and say goodnight, and often they ask me to stay with them and just be there for them. I love it and know it won’t last forever. Sometimes I get to know very well what is going on in their world because they are relaxed and open, but I have to stop and listen to it. The worst thing is to rush for this time and miss magical moments. I realize that such moments will be fewer and fewer, and as long as I can hold on to their sanctity.
I love talking about vulnerability and teaching my boys that they don’t have to be strong all the time. There is also a time and place to listen, care, and serve others. Creativity is another golden nugget that needs to be practiced and cultivated. Stop and dance, draw, sing and draw because life is serious enough.
Finally, the perfectionist in me wants to show my boys that imperfection is just as cool, and learning from mistakes and misconceptions is what life is all about. No one said parenting was easy, but it is so rewarding and always learning something. It takes a village to raise a child, so don’t be so hard on yourself and let the village help. And tell your child it’s funny, I guarantee you’ll get an adorable smile in return! 😉 Most of all, I want you to know that you are loved and cherished. You will learn it from my words and actions – there are lessons of love in the way I treat you and how I treat myself.
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I want you to communicate with the world from a place of dignity. You will know that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and accept my imperfections.
We will be brave in our family by showing up, allowing ourselves to be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. In our house there will always be room for both.
We will teach you compassion by first practicing compassion with yourself; then together. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values as well as family customs.
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and correct myself, and by watching me ask for what I need and talk about my feelings.
Mindfulness Coloring Book
When faced with uncertainty and scarcity, you can draw on the spirit that is part of our everyday lives.
Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
We will laugh, and sing, and dance, and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves together. No matter what, you will always belong here.
As you embark on your heartfelt journey, the greatest gift I can give you is to live and love with all your heart and courage.
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I will not teach, I will not love and I will not show you anything perfect, but I will let you see me, and I will always be a saint to see you. Very deeply seeing you. Have you ever heard of her? She is a researcher/storyteller (her words) who specializes in shame and vulnerability and their impact on relationships. She has given two hugely popular TED talks and written several books. The Parenting Manifesto above is taken directly from her book, Very Boldly. She actually lives in Houston, so I always secretly hope that one day I’ll run into her at the grocery store and we’ll be besties.
I was reminded of his TED talks earlier this week and immediately decided to share them with you. She talks about the importance of shame, vulnerability and authenticity in relationships. Although her speeches are not directly related to parenting, they are definitely relevant. If you enjoyed my post on emotional safety, you’ll want to check out these videos.
If you like her performances, she has several books. I would recommend starting with Daring Greatly or my favourite, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Is Not).
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Have you heard her speak before? How did these conversations make you feel? How do you want to change your relationships with others, including your family, after listening?
Never Alone — Jeannie Cunnion
(Note: I wasn’t
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