Swan Approach Parenting

Swan Approach Parenting – Name the feeling Parents often name feelings they feel (eg I was very upset at work today because I couldn’t solve a problem) with feelings a person might feel. child (eg. You seem upset because your play. day was cancelled), children have a better chance of learning to express their feelings. Make emotional words a part of your daily conversations.

Help them measure their feelings Even as adults we sometimes have very difficult feelings (eg jealousy, guilt). If you notice that a child is emotionally upset, help them measure their emotions and then help them reduce the emotions to a level they can better control. For example Children like visual images and may want to use the metaphor of a feeling bucket. Ask them to visualize a bucket of emotions they carry inside. What feelings filled their bucket during the day? Explain that it is good and useful to empty the bucket every time, so that there is more room for the next day.

Swan Approach Parenting

Swan Approach Parenting

Validation of feelings. Validating emotions involves reading the child’s behavior and facial expressions to understand the child’s feelings and express them in an acceptable way. E.g. “You look very sad”, “You seem angry with your friend” and so on. When feelings are validated, they are easier to express. When emotions are dismissed (eg, You can’t be sad about this) or undermined (eg, you’re not angry, you’re just tired), it’s very difficult to express emotions effectively. When children’s emotions are validated, they can manage their emotions and solve problems effectively. It improves competence and independence in emotional control.

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Educational models need to show children that although they cannot control their emotions, they can still choose how to respond. It is important to practice safe and permissible ways of expressing emotions, rather than repressing or reacting. For example If B takes the towel from A and A hits B again, then A is forced to think about how they felt hitting someone else. Then, in collaboration with adults, they can find out which response is more effective in the situation (eg getting the teacher’s help). Help them create a list of options to choose from when they feel a certain way (eg, If I feel confused, I can ask someone for help).

The Power of Positive Self-Talk When we talk to ourselves in a positive way, it can make a big difference in how we feel. Negative self-talk, on the other hand, is often filled with phrases like I can’t or I’ll never be able to, and often prevents us from achieving our goals. If you see your child making negative comments (eg Maths is too hard, I can’t do it) you can ask them: “What else would you say to yourself? enough to help you?”. If the child can’t decide, give them options and ask ‘Would any of these help you?’ If the child doesn’t feel ready to use a positive self-image right away, back off. Affirm and give the child time and space.

Be calm. The golden tip, as always, is to stay calm. If you have trouble staying calm, explain to your child that you are not happy right now and need some time alone. When you model the behavior you want your children to display, they are more likely to follow suit. Another important thing is not to intervene and solve the child’s problems. All you have to do is support. And if you notice that the child is handling difficult situations well, remember to let them know by describing what the child did (eg, “You did a great job of calming down.”)

We are a non-profit organization that relies on donations to provide mental health solutions. We encourage you to donate to the White Swan Foundation. Your donation, however small, will enable our door to grow economically and serve more people. Please click here to support us 3 Abusive Parenting Threats to Children’s Mental Health Learn how to support the development of good character in your children.

Cultivating Mindfulness In Your Parenting Approach

Whether a person develops a personality disorder during their lifetime depends on many factors, including genetics and biology. Family environment and upbringing can increase or decrease the development of personality disorder symptoms later in life. The following are three common parenting mistakes that increase the likelihood that a child will develop personality disorder symptoms. All these mistakes are caused by parents trying to help their children in the wrong way.

Many parents, motivated by compassion for their children, release the children from responsibility for the mistakes. For example, one child asked his parents for a new cell phone. When he was told he didn’t need a phone, as the phone worked fine, he put the phone in the bathroom and it broke. He then got a new mobile phone.

School districts know underperforming students and blame their teachers. This discussion is exemplary.

Swan Approach Parenting

After talking to the principal, Dad found out that Brian hadn’t done any homework this term and was failing because of this. When Dad tries to get the principal to change Brian’s math class, he chooses to protect his son rather than let his son react by not doing his homework, getting a failing grade, and blaming the teacher. This pattern of blaming others instead of taking responsibility is part of Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders, and Dad will teach Brian these types of coping strategies.

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A healthier approach for Dad is to hold Brian accountable for his decisions and actions; in this case, his choice is not to do his homework. The conversation might go something like this:

Dad: Brian, why didn’t you tell me you didn’t turn in your homework before I met with your principal?

Father: No. We will meet with your teacher and principal and determine the best next step.

Brian will not want to sit down with his father, teachers and principal, but he will learn how to take responsibility for his decisions and actions and find a constructive solution. He will have the opportunity to do this in a supportive environment (school) with his father by his side. The lesson will serve him forever.

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Some parents teach children to avoid when trying to protect their children from painful or uncomfortable situations. This is often done by creating special homes for their child to avoid grief.

It is common for parents to comment that their children hate taking the bus to school. Maybe it’s because they don’t like the bus driver, or the other kids, or the bus itself. Giving the child and taking him to school shows the child that he cannot face the negative situations that his peers may encounter. They even see themselves as strong people and cannot behave in situations that are different from what they want or should be used to. Each person has a strong-willed personality that shows this compliment.

A healthier approach is to encourage the child to change positions or change angles to reduce discomfort. An example of a change of position is a child who moves to another seat or an older bus. If that is not possible, the child may change their perspective by seeing the bus ride as an opportunity to catch up on homework or sleep instead of feeling the need to bond.

Swan Approach Parenting

In an effort to show compassion and empathy, many parents force the child to feel hurt whenever they are in pain. Proving the child’s injury is usually supportive.

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Common examples are parents who try to minimize their child’s exposure to failure or disappointment. When Jane didn’t make the soccer team, her mother told her, “They like the other girls better. They don’t know how good you are.” This encourages Jane to feel like she is being bullied or discriminated against instead of accepting the possibility that other girls are sometimes better than her.

Increasing the child’s sense of victimization increases his sense of helplessness and destruction. These feelings can affect their self-development as they learn to fear everything and everyone. This thinking/feeling pattern is often seen in individuals with paranoia and borderline personality disorders.

All the parenting mistakes discussed in this post are usually made by parents who love their children and

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