Seattle Parenting Blog

Seattle Parenting Blog – Developmental theorists classify parenting styles as authoritarian, authoritarian, permissive, and disengaged. Let’s take a look at these categories and the potential pros and cons of each approach. We’ll start with this illustration to get the idea across, then work through the details.

The horizontal line shows how much attention the parents pay to the needs, demands and special temperament of the child. Responsive parents strive to foster the child’s individuality and independence by being attentive, supportive, and responsive to the child’s needs and demands in the moment. Unresponsive parents apply the same rules/expectations to all children in all situations.

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Seattle Parenting Blog

, how high are parents’ expectations of obedience and “conformity” to family rules or social norms. Demanding parents set clear goals and expectations, confront a disobedient child, and discipline when boundaries are crossed.

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Note that for each I list the possible benefits – how things can work when this parenting style works correctly, and the possible pitfalls – being aware of them can help you avoid them.

The father is in control, the goals are obedience and achieving high expectations. Parents create a structured environment, set strict rules, and don’t explain the rules beyond “I know what’s best for you.” Children may face consequences if they do not meet the standards and may or may not receive a reward if they do. Children are scolded for showing negative emotions. Parents should not show overt affection. Potential benefits: Children may do well in school and not have much trouble, and may excel at skills that require focus and discipline to learn. Potential Disadvantages: Some children may rebel and have a bad relationship with their parents. Some children experience low self-esteem or an inability to make decisions for themselves.

The focus is on learning to make decisions, the goal is to find a balance between personal happiness and achievement. Democratic parents offer clear, reasonable expectations, explain

They expect children to behave in this way and monitor the behavior with warmth and love. Mistakes are used as opportunities to learn important lessons, not as opportunities for punishment. Parents provide limited choices based on developmental capacity in which freedom and responsibility are balanced. Potential benefits: Children are self-regulated, self-determined, cooperative, and socially responsible. Possible Disadvantages: This style is more difficult for parents than other styles.

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The focus is on fulfilling the child’s wishes at the moment, the long-term goal is a happy life, not specific achievements. Permissive parents have permission

Attitude. They create few rules and routines and may not always follow the rules and routines they set. They want children to feel free and have as many choices as possible. They may not have specific expectations of appropriate behavior and accept their child with warm love regardless of how the child behaves. Potential benefits: Children may have high self-esteem, good social skills, low levels of depression and creativity. Potential Disadvantages: May perform poorly at school/work due to difficulty following rules, may push people away when crossing boundaries.

Non-involved parents should not provide guidance, punishment or rewards. They may just be aloof and not interested in their children and their activities. Most provide a basic life but shirk responsibility for their child’s activities and concerns. In extreme cases, this may include abandonment and/or neglect. Children are often rebellious, irresponsible, do poorly in school and show signs of emotional stress.

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We are all guilty of it from time to time… Sometimes you are tired so you are too indulgent and let the child do whatever they want; then you overcorrect, you are too authoritarian and impose harsh punishments. This is confusing and stressful for children. Kids want to do well, and when the rules change, it’s hard for them to figure out how to do that. When setting family rules and expectations, be realistic with yourself about what you can consistently follow.

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Your parenting style can influence the choices you allow your child to make. An authoritarian parent makes choices for the child, dictating what must be done and what the consequences will be if it is not done. An authoritative/democratic parent offers limited choices and teaches the child about the consequences of each choice. Permissive parents offer a wide range of acceptable options. Parents who are not involved leave the child to find his own way in the world. Read more about how to offer choice effectively here and in my post. Looking for discipline tips? Read on to learn more about: developmental expectations, helping children understand what is expected of them, modeling and rewarding desired behaviors, setting boundaries, and enforcing consequences.

Discipline means leadership. This means setting clear expectations about how we want our children to behave without assuming they know how. This means modeling for our children the behaviors we would like them to exhibit. This means setting clear limits on the things they can’t do. And that means when they misbehave, we let them know that the behavior is not okay, but we still love them and tell them how to do better in the future. This style of discipline not only promotes behavior, but also builds trust and respect between parent and child.

Between birth and three years of age, your child will undergo huge developmental changes, with more brain growth than ever before. They learn by exploring the world hands-on, which means they get lost in everything and don’t know what’s safe and what’s not. Your role is to protect them when necessary, but also to allow them to explore and learn within limits. They learn by repetition, which means they have to do something over and over to learn it, and that includes misbehaving over and over and feeling the consequences over and over again before they actually remember the rule. Your role is to consistently respond to bad behavior each time to reinforce their learning.

Discipline will be more effective (and you’ll be less frustrated) if you keep your child’s developmental potential in mind. Encourage them to stretch and work on their impulse control, but don’t expect more than they can handle. Learn about developmental abilities by reading books, browsing online, attending classes, and observing other children. (Although it’s also important to remember that individual temperaments have a big influence on what children can do, regardless of their age.) Toddlers, for example, usually don’t know how to share, have trouble controlling their impulses, and sometimes bite and hit. and cannot always “use his words”. We ask them to do better, but we should not be surprised if it is too much for them.

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Think about how little your children know about the world. They don’t know that in some places you have to be quiet and in other places you can be loud until you teach them. They don’t know how to stay at a restaurant table until you teach them (and remind them over and over again). The more you can tell them in advance what to expect and what is expected, the better. When they are young, keep it very simple: “this is a quiet place”, “you must come sit with me”. As they get older, you can get codes. As in our family, the “rules of theater” are where you sit in a chair and stay silent unless everyone is clapping and singing along.

For more information on how to guide your child on what to DO instead of focusing on what NOT to do, see my post on Saying Yes.

Behave the way you want your child to behave. Also tag our other well behaved children. Children perfectly copy what they see. If you make mistakes, say so and apologize for them. “I tell you not to use bad words, and I just used a bad word. I need to work harder on using nice words.”

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“Catch” them when they are good – praise them for the positive behavior they display. Some people recommend shooting for a ratio of 4 to 5 times, telling them they’re doing something right every time you tell them they’re doing something wrong.

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When bad behavior occurs, let them know that what they are doing is wrong. (Maybe they don’t know. Maybe they do, and check to see if they understand.) Use a firm voice and a serious expression to get it across to you. The little one gets confused when we tell them what not to do with their usual sweet smile and playful voice. Also, the louder your baby gets, the calmer you need to be.

Remind them of the expectations and encourage them to behave better. If they don’t, let them know the consequences if the behavior continues. Try to find logical consequences where “the punishment fits the crime”. For example, “if you drop your Duplos, I have to pick them up” or “if you don’t stop when I say a red light, I have to carry you to keep you safe” or “I need

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