My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting – Graphic designer and mother of two, Mary Catherine Starr recently posted an Instagram comic about how society views mothers and dads differently. “I thought my friends would see it,” she said. “But it was CRAZY. The comic has been translated into over 15 languages ​​and I’ve received thousands of messages from people all over the world. “Here’s the full comic …

Amazed and overwhelmed. I knew this was a big deal in the United States, where our society praises fathers for their most basic parenting responsibilities and expects mothers to be nothing but perfection. But I had no idea these double standards were

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

. People all over the world are saying yes, THIS. I didn’t realize that even women in Botswana, Brazil, Russia, New Zealand and Norway would feel it so deeply.

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It all started with fast food. I never get junk food because there is an expectation that mothers will give their babies healthy food. But during the pandemic, my husband started getting Five Guys. And my kids would say, “Yeah, dad has five boys again!” If I did, I would feel really guilty, like a lazy mom, like a failure.

And to be clear, I’m not saying men suck and women are great. I am saying that our society has created a structure that no matter what women do, it will never be enough. And if men do the bare minimum, they are considered extraordinary.

I recently spoke to a friend who has three children. One day her husband took them to the grocery store and many strangers came up and said, “You’re doing great” and “Wow, Cool Daddy!” And his wife never received a single comment; it’s as if her parents were predictable and she was invisible.

Yup! At the airport, if dad flies with his kids, yeah, oh my god, look at you. And if mom goes with her kids, people get annoyed and look at her. Fathers are praised and mothers are judged.

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Dads are also considered delightfully incompetent. For example, if dad wears a kids t-shirt backwards or braids the crooked braids, that’s fun and cute. If Mom did, it would be weird, even creepy.

I heard from a single mom who lived in an apartment building, and a single dad also lived there. Neighbors brought him dinner and ran errands for him. But they looked at her as if she were a pariah. Each woman has 1,000 similar stories. Some people may think this is not true, perhaps in the 1950s. But if you ask ANY WOMAN, they can go on forever. And conscious men will understand this. My husband saw my comic and said, “Oh my God, yes, that’s right!”

It’s interesting because you used fast food to say how guilty you would have felt. You didn’t say your neighbor or husband would criticize you, but instead you would judge yourself, right?

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

It’s true. And many women wrote to me: “I don’t hear these judgments from others, I feel them in my head”. But I want to tell them it’s not your fault. The reason you judge yourself is because you know we have all life. Culture tells us. I once asked my friend where are your children? And she said, Um, with their dad. It’s in her consciousness and it’s really hard to let go.

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Honestly, she hurts men too. Dads have their own stories that say, “These double standards suck. Expectations are so low of me and he praises me for taking the kids to the supermarket, which is ridiculous.”

It’s funny because my husband and I had an egalitarian marriage before the kids. Have you read Darcy Lockman’s All the Rage? I read it after my daughter was born. It tells about how women start having children, thinking that everything will be the same, and then they find that they are always furious because they do everything. In research studies, they looked at families on weekends and most of the time dad was alone in one room and mom and kids in another. Even with the best of intentions, mom still does a lot more after having children.

Oh my God, I tease my husband by saying he lays on the couch on weekends. I call him “The Rested Man”!

And I don’t think mothers are trying to be martyrs. I think we’ve seen it from the day we were born to our own mothers, grandmothers and caregivers, who didn’t sit down, there’s too much to do. But men see their dads watching sports or their grandfather reading the paper while having a cocktail. My grandfather is still sitting and calling “cocktail waitress!”

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Not specifically for this comic, but I know that people can experience the same frustration in same-sex relationships where the primary caregiver feels off-balance at work.

The most interesting thing for me is when I heard from men that my relationship is the same and it is offensive. And I say it’s great and I’m so glad you and your partner found out, but this is about how our society defines moms and dads. Whether you say it out loud or subconsciously, it just happens. You and your wife can do exactly the same, but the OUTSIDE world doesn’t see it that way.

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t know if anyone is doing it. It’s powerful, it’s really powerful. It is so difficult because the people who have been with you from the beginning are expected to support your love life and the decisions you make in life. In a sense, their validation provides trust and acceptance, while rejecting your partner does the opposite.

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

If your parents don’t provide adequate affirmation, love, and care from an early age, you can develop an anxious or avoidant attachment style.

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And if it continues into adulthood, you may suffer from a lack of love and develop your relationship difficulties that would otherwise not be present.

Also, if your family tries to force you to break up with your partner, you may find yourself in a dilemma, choosing between the people who gave you life and your boyfriend or girlfriend.

If your parents don’t like your girlfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend or girlfriend, the situation is often really difficult and often, even hopeless. This is because things can quickly escalate to the point where you will have to decide between your family and your partner.

Now, if you already have a family of your own and are with the one you love, the decision is obvious. You will always choose your wife / husband and children above the judgment of your parents.

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But if you’re still young (let’s say you’re 20), then your parents may have the last word. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background, as well as the type of relationship you have with your parents.

If your family decides who you can hang out with and who you can be with, listen to them as much as possible. They are the ones who will accept or reject the person you date, so you can’t do anything about it.

This type of parenting regime is quite common in South Asia, but it also exists around the world nonetheless.

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

Plus, it’s not just South Asian families that sometimes control the fate of their children’s relationships and marriages. They are also American and European families.

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In some countries parents make important decisions about the relationship, so I advise you to go against your parents, it would be a mistake.

All you can do is try to talk to them and explain how your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you and how they will contribute to your family.

As long as your partner is really good to you and doesn’t hurt you or anything like that, in most cases families will accept the person you’re dating.

But if they don’t accept it and your partner is actually a good person and you’ve been with them for a long time, things can get worse.

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Since dissatisfied parents usually make the decision that you should break up with your partner, such relationships almost never end well.

Whenever your parents harass you, they strain your relationship and make your relationship with the one you love incredibly difficult.

The person you are dating feels extremely unwelcome and perhaps hates the rejection of your parents and perhaps their parents as well. That’s why it’s really hard for your partner to want to be with your parents who hate their guts. It’s hard even if your partner loves you to the moon and back.

My Boyfriend Disagrees With My Parenting

Personally, I know what it means to be rejected by my parents because I’ve been there before. It’s not exciting at all and I can say that I never want to be in that position again.

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