How To Deal With Unwanted Parenting Advice – One of the worst parts of being a new parent is getting new parenting advice from everyone who has raised a child before and even some who haven’t. It seems like someone is always thinking how to raise your child better than you.
Whether the person giving the advice is nice and wants to help or is outright critical of your parenting choices, sometimes it’s hard to know how to handle this advice.
How To Deal With Unwanted Parenting Advice
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Of course, if someone simply criticizes how you choose to parent your child, it can turn into a disagreement very quickly. Unfortunately, some parents don’t know when to stop being involved with their grown children, and this stunts their parenting development. Some common ways people criticize new parents are:
As new parents, we’ve all received unsolicited parenting advice, and honestly, there have been times I’ve wanted to scream.
But that would get me nowhere and would damage some relationships with those advising me.
New parents need to have a way to handle the advice they are given without feeling hurt or upset. So here are 13 surefire ways to deal with unwanted parenting advice without making anyone cry.
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At first, if you’re a newborn, your emotions are on a roller coaster ride from all the changing hormones your body is going through. Because of this, it’s very important that you stay calm and collected, especially when you’re holding your baby.
It’s important to always listen to the advice you’re given, as some can be very effective and helpful.
So when someone tries to help and offers words of wisdom, take them into consideration and think about whether that advice will benefit your family. If the advice is just nonsense, let it go in one ear and out the other.
Always be careful who refers you. Is it your mother who really cares and wants to help you succeed, or a stranger who doesn’t know you or your child?
Positive Phrases To Say When You Get Unwanted Parenting Advice
A great thing I’ve learned is to think about where the advice comes from when I take advice I don’t like or decide to criticize. Unfortunately, some people just can’t help themselves and feel the need to criticize the parenting choices you make.
So always stop and think if the advice is coming from the heart or from a critical place.
One of the biggest things all parents learn from children is when to pick your battles. The same goes for parenting advice.
Sometimes, grandparents especially, want to spoil your kids and you may not agree on what your kids are allowed to leave their house with.
Things You Should Say When You Get Unwanted Parenting Advice
“I’m not Ma’am. I’m just Mom. When you go shopping with me, if you’re good, you’ll get a cookie at the end.
There are times when arguing isn’t worth it, especially when it doesn’t hurt your child.
Once you find the answer and have real research or experience to back it up, you can educate others.
For example, a cloth diaper is completely natural and better than disposables in many ways because of all the extra heat and chemicals in your baby’s body.
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Or breastfed babies are able to digest breast milk incredibly quickly because it is perfectly formulated for their tiny bodies. And because of this, they need to eat more often than a normal formula-fed baby.
Finally, you can explain that there are completely safe ways to sleep with your baby if you take the right precautions.
Mothers are naturally programmed with gut instinct when it comes to their babies. Whether it’s knowing what your baby really needs when he cries or knowing how to make him feel better, mothers are naturally attuned to their babies.
Some grandparents, in particular, believe that every new parent should make the same parenting choices they did when raising their children. But that’s absolutely crazy.
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Just because something worked for that person’s family doesn’t mean it will work for you. Every situation is different and some parenting styles may not work for some parents and their children.
There really is no right way to be a parent. We’re all here, trying to do our best.
In cases where some unsolicited advice is related to your child’s health or behavior, you can always bring concerns to your child’s pediatrician to get a medical professional’s opinion.
If they decide the advice is invalid, you can make sure you check it.
How To Deal With Unsolicited Advice During Pregnancy
One thing to remember is that times have changed dramatically since our parents raised children.
For example, when I was a baby, it was recommended to put the baby to sleep on the stomach to prevent suffocation in the baby’s sleep. In the meantime, it is recommended that babies only sleep on their backs to ensure that they do not die of suffocation or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
As new science and experts learn more about keeping children safe and healthy, there are always new tips for parents to follow.
One of the best ways to help those who give you unsolicited parenting advice is to be honest with them about your feelings. Sit down with them and explain how you feel when they step in and tell you how to parent without giving yourself a chance to learn.
How To Deal With Unsolicited Advice From Parents
And in most cases, they don’t realize they’re overdoing it. But being honest with them keeps your lines of communication open and strengthens your relationship.
Once you’ve told the person how you feel, try to set boundaries so they know what lines not to cross. It’s great for grandparents to have boundaries, so they know when to stay away while you learn how to parent your child.
If you express how you feel about unsolicited advice and set boundaries, everyone knows what to expect. If someone tries to tell you what to do as a parent, stand your ground.
Make it clear that you are the parent and they are not. As a parent, you make decisions for your child.
Polite But Deadly Clapbacks To Unsolicited Parenting Advice
Of course, no one said it was easy. But figuring out how to raise your child without being criticized or constantly seeking unsolicited parenting advice is extremely difficult.
But try to remember that you’re doing your best, and give yourself a pat on the back for it. When your child is struggling with behavior or learning, you’ll often find other parents are quick to offer advice on how to deal with you. The child often finds these suggestions unsolicited (and not very useful). If you’re the parent of a struggling child, here’s some unsolicited advice you can expect to hear from strangers (if you haven’t already). These are followed by suggested responses to help you politely acknowledge another person’s willingness to help while letting them know that their comments are not helpful. What are people saying? “You have to admire them.” If a stranger sees your child acting out, they’re likely to feel the need to tell you to take them to a professional. There’s a good chance you’ve already done it, or you’re already thinking about doing it. What is the answer? “Maybe so.” Instead of telling the stranger what steps you’ve taken to manage your child, say, “Maybe so.” This can be a good way to end the conversation, while the person giving the advice is somewhat validated. What are people saying? “This is how I would act in this situation.” Some will reach out to you and offer advice on how to handle situations involving your children. That advice will be about how they personally deal with similar situations, but they don’t know about your child’s unique needs. What is the answer? “It works for us.” Instead of getting into an argument with the kids about how to behave, explain to them: “This works for our family.” You know your child better than anyone and have developed methods that work for managing behavior and stress. You can allow it
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