Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships – Before having children, parenting seems easy. Just eat and play with your child, find a good school for them and you are good to go.

Boy was I wrong! I don’t know what it’s like when your child won’t listen to you while you’re looking for a million other things you need to do. Or when you notice that your child’s behavior is not right (yelling, hitting someone, throwing up on small things) but you don’t know why or how to help them. Or you don’t realize the decisions you make as a bad parent will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

I got into hands-on parenting (read the book ‘Listen’ by Patti Weiffler and Tosha Shore and took a course on it) and it completely changed the way we parented.¹

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Hand in hand with parents helping our child solve their problems was our solution without us giving them a solution. It teaches us how to communicate with our child effectively through the means they understand. It helped us not feel guilty about setting boundaries and how and when to enforce them. It showed me how children like us need to calm their emotions so that they can think and learn at their best. Most importantly it focuses on my feelings/reactions as a parent and how it affects my child.

This is a hand model of your baby’s brain structure. ² The brainstem is where you find all the autonomic functions of the body, eg. Heart beat, breathing, etc., which we do not use consciously, but work all the time. It also changes in response whenever it senses danger, for example a loud noise, alerting the baby and causing the heart rate to increase. This is the ‘survival’ part of your brain.

As you ascend, you reach the limbic system. This is the ‘social-emotional’ part of the brain and allows the child to form social relationships with others. This is the part of your brain where you identify what makes you feel safe, good, and connected to others. This is also what happens when you feel insecure, insecure and disconnected.

The limbic system serves a very important function: it is the gateway to the rest of your child’s brain. When your child feels safe, connected and secure, it allows for communication between all the other parts of their brain. It opens up the reasoning center and allows the prefrontal cortex to function.

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The prefrontal cortex is especially important to us as parents because it is the part of the brain that allows your child to think, reason, experience, learn, follow instructions… and it is where your child’s judgment is. Grows over time. When your child feels connected and loved, he is a learner.

When my child feels any perceived threat, frustration or any other strong emotion – it causes her to lose her sense of connection and her ability to think. Their brains flood and block emotions.

As parents we see this all the time… for example. When he makes a big deal out of a small fall, or when you leave the room for a few minutes to use the bathroom. The younger the child, the faster the sense of connection is broken. This is where we typically see “unruly” behavior such as aggression, uncooperativeness, yelling, laughing, etc. When a child cannot believe that they are actually trying to reconnect, it shows in their behavior.

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

By communicating effectively with your child and helping them to de-stress their emotions, you are essentially clearing their brains and helping them to reset their processes to think again. .

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We have always seen the best results, emotionally and spiritually in Mary, when we use all five in conjunction with each other. Here’s a little about each and some examples of how it works for us:

Special time is your chance to give your child unique attention and love. Set a timer and a place where you will give your child special time and let the child lead the rest. As long as it’s safe, you go for it and you give it your all.

There is no answering machine, cleaning or any other kind of multitasking at this time. You should also avoid giving advice to your child at certain times. It’s just you and your baby.

This builds trust and respect between you and your child. As your child begins to understand and trust this process, they will begin to express their deepest feelings to you about certain situations.

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For example, my daughter had trouble sleeping at night. He suddenly seemed to want to avoid sleeping in his bed, something he had been doing comfortably for over a year.

We tried different techniques like arguing with her and talking about it beforehand. But nothing worked – he cried for about 2 hours at night.

So I tried to have a special time with her the next day and she would resume her sleep routine and come out of her room whenever she wanted. During a certain time I realized that children really know how to help themselves if only we give them the chance.

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

These two tools are grouped together because they work so well hand in hand (no pun intended). Children need boundaries to feel safe, build successful relationships, and learn. In this approach, setting boundaries is done in a respectful and loving, yet firm way. Say ‘no’ to your child warmly and lovingly, hold the line and listen to the flow of emotions that follow.

Hand In Hand Parenting

Here you work with your child to heal the painful feelings they are upset about. Strong feelings may or may not be about the extent you have. It’s like getting upset over a bunch of things throughout the day and blowing up over something that doesn’t seem to warrant such a strong reaction. Once the child has had the opportunity to allow the feelings to arise, you will see them return to their happy and flexible selves.

Listening has a lot to do with setting boundaries. After the limit is set, you just listen to the child get upset until he recovers. You don’t try to solve the problem for them. You are not giving any advice or lectures. You don’t rock them until they cry.

You believe that your child will recover and figure out how to solve the problem on his own. They might be upset about something that happened at the moment, or it might be a backlog and something that started it. (Note: This may not always be evident in crying. Sometimes the child may scream, show anger or be very upset).

This will help build more trust between you and your child. It’s like your best friend who knows how to just be there for you and let you express the emotions you need in that moment. When your baby cries, you will notice that they calm down and become happier and brighter. You will see a great bond with your child. They also want to know that you are there for them not only in the good times but also in the bad times.

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For example, my daughter had trouble settling down for her nap (you see most of our parenting problems come from naps LOL). It seemed strange because we had tired him enough in the morning and he even refused to go to the park so he could go to bed earlier. We did our whole routine, put her in her crib and the baby wouldn’t sleep for 2 hours!

I tried talking to her, leaving her door open so she wouldn’t feel alone, and working in my room to make her feel close to me, but to no avail.

Eventually I realized I had to set a limit and tell her I would leave her room to give her a chance to sleep…and then all the tears came. She started crying and crying and asked me to stay. Finally she asked for her father (he is usually better at arguing with her than I am).

Hand In Hand Parenting Listening Partnerships

He starts talking to her about the dream and suddenly she mentions an incident that she was upset about that day at school (which she loves). He talked her through it and soon she was able to fall asleep! It was like she just needed a good shout to get her out of this misery and she was able to fix the obvious problem herself.

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Play is the foundation of children’s development. This is the way they learn and express themselves. Listening to play builds a bond with your child through laughter while building their confidence at the same time. It can help your child overcome situations they find challenging or scary while laughing

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