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Inside: Looking for another way to pass the time? Learn how “you time” can change your child’s thinking and stop misbehavior without punishment!
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One of the most common ways to discipline children is “time-out”, which involves sending a misbehaving child to a designated place for a period of time as punishment.
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Although I don’t think this is a bad thing, I have found another way to pass the time that has proven more effective.
Our alternative to punishments like time off is what I call “your time out.” Here is an explanation of how it works:
Whatever we are doing, I will stop immediately and deal with this situation now. Whether it’s at home or in public, I acknowledge the bad behavior now, instead of saying “we’ll deal with this later” or “we’ll talk about it when we get home.”
If you wait until later, your child will already be out of his mind. I know the situation will be resolved better if done now.
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I only raise the voice in what I would consider an emergency situation where we need immediate action (for example, if he falls into a busy parking lot without looking).
Otherwise, I’ll get down to his level so we can make observations and talk in a quiet, firm voice. You know I mean business.
Shouting or getting angry when it’s not necessary can cause the child to recoil in fear and miss the message you’re trying to convey.
I’ll say something like, “I’ll give you some time alone to think about your actions and choose if you’d like to be around us.”
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“Alone time” is similar to “you time” because it involves the child going to his room.
As opposed to traditional punishment, it is still clear that a particular behavior or action is unacceptable. However, there is no shame and the children feel in control.
I chose my daughters room as a “alone” space because it is a safe place, where they don’t have to defend themselves, and instead can work more effectively on self-control.
This does not mean shaming or shaming “bad behavior,” but it can remove a child from a bad situation and give them space and tools to change their behavior.
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No time required – I let my girls take as much or as little time as needed. Sometimes they are ready to go in a few minutes.
Sometimes, especially the oldest, he will spend thirty minutes to an hour, in his room, resting or reading.
When she comes out, my daughter is calm, happy, and wants to please. He would occasionally make his bed or clean his room without being asked!
We parents start to go crazy when we don’t have “me time” for a while, so it stands to reason that the kids will too.
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Children are often surrounded by others, at school and at home, to the point where it becomes difficult for others. However, children do not always know how to express their needs in space.
However, this time out, or “alone time,” has been a very effective tool in helping my girls cope with stress and find positive ways to express themselves to others.
Kelly is a friend and her work has changed the lives of many families. Her new e-book shares the recipe:
Stacey is the creator of The Soccer Girl Blog, a Houston Texas Mom blog that focuses on healthy lifestyles for women and families. She loves sharing real recipes, money saving tips, parenting inspiration, activities for kids, DIY tutorials, home hacks, workouts, and more! To learn more from Stacey, click here. Parents with children or teens involved in sports know that along with the daily responsibilities of parenting, youth sports require time, money and a level of emotional self-control. (Hayward et al., 2017). They also know that there will be opportunities to face new challenges, socially, and have positive experiences with their children (Wiersma & Fifer, 2008).
Family And Childhood Fitness
As the main force in many Canadian families, mothers take on many roles in organizing their children’s activities and maintaining family order. While many mothers take on these roles, the time and energy required to be a “good mother” can come at the expense of a mother’s physical and mental health.
According to Statistics Canada (2020), mothers spend more time on childcare and household chores than fathers. In addition, mothers often sacrifice their needs, including play and participation, in their child’s recreational activities (Bean et al., 2019). Therefore, mothers have limited time to spend on leisure and social activities.
For example, research shows that mothers are more active than fathers and non-mothers (McIntyre & Rhodes, 2009). Unfortunately for mothers, a possible consequence of reduced leisure time is an increased likelihood of developing mental health problems (Craike et al., 2010). Additionally, studies of maternal mental health have shown that maternal vulnerability, fear of good parenting, and general concern about the child’s well-being are common predictors of mental health problems in mothers (Blegen et al., 2010). . For this reason, situations that provide mothers with opportunities to ensure their parenting is conducive to their child’s well-being are ideal for targeting maternal mental health.
So the question is: what is the essence of the way to improve the mental health of the mother at a low cost, while avoiding additional costs and financial costs for mothers? With approximately 75% of Canadian youth participating in organized youth sports (Aubert et al., 2021), it stands out in particular for promoting maternal well-being. This article will show how getting children involved in youth sports can improve the well-being of sports moms through opportunities for leadership, community, gaining pride and joy, strengthening family relationships and engaging in healthy behaviors.
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Over decades of scientific research, many gender-based roles have emerged for sports mothers (Bean et al., 2014). These roles include organizing and preparing meals, taking children to work and competitions, sewing clothes and buying new equipment, and coordinating a busy schedule (Coble, 2010; Fraser-Thomas et al., 2013). Many mothers generously volunteer to play these roles with their children’s friends and sometimes take on management or coaching positions. In addition, mothers provide support and encouragement during the race and provide feedback during the drive home (Tamminen et al., 2017).
The role and responsibilities that mothers take on in youth sports can seem overwhelming. However, there is reason to be optimistic about sports to improve well-being among mothers (Sutcliffe et al., 2021). In addition, under the right conditions, organized play can provide many benefits for mothers (Wiersma & Fifer, 2008). These benefits include opportunities to:
There are many mothers who do it for their children, their families and the youth sports community. It is time for youth sports programs to intentionally promote these outcomes for mothers.
Although coaching is often seen as a father’s role in youth sports, mothers are equally equipped to coach and work to get the most out of coaching. In fact, coaching mothers report that they feel enriched in life through coaching youth sports (Leberman & LaVoi, 2011). This is especially true when mothers in training spend more time with their child and their child’s group, encourage new life skills in the group, and serve as positive role models (Leberman & LaVoi, 2011).
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Coaching allows mothers to use and interact with their child outside of the home and get to know their child’s friends better (Leberman & LaVoi, 2011). Group learning can also give mothers insight and peace of mind about the type of influence the group has on their child. In addition, coaching can provide opportunities for mothers to boost the self-esteem of child athletes (Coble, 2010). As a parent coach said, “The confidence that you see in the success that children get when they do well, I find very gratifying” (Leberman & LaVoi, 2011, p. 481).
Finally, coaching mothers challenge the notions of women in leadership positions in sports and represent a good role model for their athletes. Specifically, mothers who fulfill their role as coaches can translate to youth (and perhaps also mothers’ partners and members of the sports organization) receiving positive views of women’s leadership (Leberman & LaVoi, 2011). As a result, coaching mothers can change gender norms at an organizational level and encourage other women to dedicate themselves to leadership positions in youth sports. However, not every mother will be interested in volunteering for a training position, so it is important to find ways to improve the health of mothers by acting as a bystander.
Youth sports are well positioned for mothers to have positive feelings about their child’s athletic development (Bernsten et al., 2011).
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