Co Parenting Walnut Creek

Co Parenting Walnut Creek – You and your ex didn’t work as a couple. You may hate or even hate everything about him or her,

. No matter how your relationship with your ex ended, hating the other person who brought your child into this world and shares his or her DNA is not an option.

Co Parenting Walnut Creek

Co Parenting Walnut Creek

Kids are thoughtful and intelligent, and no matter how good you are at hiding your true feelings about your co-parent from your child, you’re not that good. Anyone who has children knows that they are always watching you, paying attention to anything that makes you happy, sad, or angry; and learn from every change in the pitch of your voice and small change in your facial expressions.

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If you have negative feelings about your ex, you show your child every day that you can’t stand 50% of who they are, and they will internalize that and wonder how it makes you feel. A child may make negative statements about the other parent knowing what you want to hear and enjoying the response he gets from you.

Children may even begin to make their own negative associations with the other parent, unconsciously taking on your negativity and damaging not only their relationship with the other parent, but also their emotional well-being. Parents can even be accused of parental alienation, even though they never intentionally intended to influence their children in this way.

Knowing all this does not make dealing with your ex any easier. If you’ve met your ex, he’s probably not “your ex.” We are all human, and putting aside all our own feelings, wants and needs to raise a child is easier said than done.

The fact is that many parents are ordered by the court to share joint custody of their children, but are not given the tools or information to do so successfully. So how can you put aside any feelings you may have about your ex as a person and effectively get your child to work with them? Follow these ten tips from an experienced child custody attorney and show your child that he or she is more important to you than your feelings about your ex!

Guide To Winning Child Custody In California

10 secrets of co-parenting to make joint custody work #1 – The world doesn’t turn with you

Theoretically, most parents believe that the day their child was born, that parent’s life was changed forever, shifting the center of the universe around that little creature. You have created a man! This is scary and crazy, and that’s why it’s so scary.

Now it is your duty to care for and raise that child, and to lay him or her on yourself. You owe this to your new child and to the society from which you are raising your child. It’s your job to make sure he or she grows up to be a good person (or at least not a bad person).

Co Parenting Walnut Creek

However, this concept of putting the child first doesn’t always translate into action when a parent feels scorned and hurt by their ex. Divorce or separation was all about you and your ex, but in the future, custody is about your child.

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Parents often feel competitive about time with their children, and they seem to view the custody process as a war to be won or lost, with each disagreement being its own struggle with winners and losers. The way California child support laws directly link the amount to be paid and received to the amount of time a parent spends with their child no doubt contributes to this mindset as well.

But treating time with a child as a battle to be won or a right to be exercised is akin to treating your child as a property that leaves something to be desired. This mindset is unhealthy for everyone involved.

Custody isn’t about getting exactly what you want, “winning” or demanding equity at any cost. “Winning” a custody battle means you’ve just waged an all-out war against your child’s other parent, making him the so-called “loser.” Your child loves you and their other parent more than anyone in the world, so how do you think that makes them feel?

Divorce or separation can cause emotional tunnel vision and people focus so much on their own pain and needs that they lose sight of the common goal of creating a good childhood for their children. But the fact is that both parents have the same goal of raising a happy and healthy child, they usually disagree on how to achieve it.

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Shared custody only works if parents can set aside their own desires, rights, and egos; and realize that what is in the best interest of the child is not necessarily what is best for the parent.

As with any successful compromise or negotiation, co-parenting must start with common ground. Put everything aside except that common goal of raising a happy, healthy child and starting from there.

Speak ill of the other parent in front of your child. Period of time. Your child is half yours and half the other parent. You have no right to make your child question his or her worth just because you are angry or hurt.

Co Parenting Walnut Creek

Whatever your feelings about your ex, right or wrong, keep them to yourself. Your child still loves his other parent, and every time you hurt the other parent, your child will internalize it, think of himself.

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Every time you say something negative about your ex in front of your child, you only harm your child and ultimately your relationship with them. In the long run, your child will not feel comfortable being around you if you make him feel inadequate or guilty for sharing DNA with someone he hates.

The end of your relationship with your ex could have been 100% his or her fault. Your ex may have been the most self-centered, emotionally insignificant spouse or partner ever to be in a relationship; but that doesn’t mean they are a bad parent. And guess what, even if they are a “bad” parent in your opinion, your child still loves them.

Of course, this is not necessarily the case if there has been domestic violence in your relationship and the child is not safe with the other parent, but this is something that the family court has dealt with. your ex may not have joint custody.

In general, however, a bad husband does not equal a bad parent. California law dictates that, unless there is a problem such as domestic violence (see Family Code 3044), it is best for children to have regular and ongoing contact with both parents.

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Your marriage or relationship with your ex may not have worked out, but your co-parenting could still work, and it’s your job to do everything you can to make sure it works.

Parents often cling to the safety net of their court-ordered visit schedule, refusing to make even minor changes to the schedule when suggested by their co-parent.

The court order should be a backup plan to fall back on if you can’t agree with the other parent on a particular matter.

Co Parenting Walnut Creek

If the other parent has a family reunion or camping trip this weekend, they want to take your child with them, but you have the audacity to refuse to switch weekends because you think they should plan their own weekend event, resist the urge. Vacations, family events, holidays and special days will take place during your child’s minor. If you turn it into a power struggle every time your co-parent tries to plan something fun with your child, your child will start to associate fun events with your negativity and stress.

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If one parent is compliant and flexible, the other parent is more likely to follow suit. Is your child not having fun at a family reunion or camping trip? Why are you fighting so hard?

Parents often seem to believe that they will never need a minute to themselves when negotiating their custody schedule.

Parents often take unrealistic custody battles during divorce or separation due to fear or insecurity. The guardianship schedule can best be seen as a business appointment. Which is logically best given the events, activities and obligations of everyone involved?

Do you work full time, have 2 children in two different schools with two different schedules of extracurricular activities and do you want both children from Monday to Friday and every other weekend? Why?

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The other parent probably wants to take the kids to their soccer games and work with them on their school project. Are you likely to do “better” yourself? It could be. But does it matter if the other parent doesn’t perform exactly as you would? No.

Giving the other parent some control is not only good for that parent and the child, but also for you! Have lunch with a friend or clear out that drawer you’ve been wanting to clear for two years.

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